Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
