My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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