So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
