Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Randomize
