dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
