In the future we'll all be gay
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
