Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
be right there i have to get my cape
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He shit in the fireplace
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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