What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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