Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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