i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
