dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
