She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
