By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
