what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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