and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
