I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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