I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
