We named our party play list daddy issues
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
