I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
