So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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