grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
