I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
