that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
