When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
