I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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