no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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