My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its about making memories worth repressing
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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