Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
