I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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