She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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