I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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