my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize