stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
