i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
