porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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