I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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