There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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