I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
