she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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