I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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