5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
