I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
