You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My first STD was from a foam party
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize