I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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