You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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