im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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