its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
