apparently the secret to your success is patron
I could make wine with my vomit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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