he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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