VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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