Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
