The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
