just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize