he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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