I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
