I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
tell me about the eggs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
