your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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