Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize