My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
