think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
