I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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