P.S. I can't hear my feet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
foreskin is a definite game changer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
