what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
