dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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